Hmm... advice?
Aug. 29th, 2006 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bagheera_sanWell. How am I supposed to interpret this?
I've got a female friend, my best friend, in fact, whom I haven't seen in a long time because she's been abroad. Now she's going to return and apparently she's changed quite a bit. Also, she's invited me to come with her to a party in a gay club. We're both, as far as I know, single.
Also, I have had a crush on her for years and never dared tell her because I have zero idea how she'd react. *headdesk*
I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but I guess you can't truly know until you've had sex with both genders. Anyways, I'm attracted to and I've had crushes on both boys and girls, however, I have issues with intimacy. It's not the physical contact, but the constant emotional closeness of an actual relationship that bothers me. It's like... I'd have to invest more of myself into a relationship than I really want to. I need space.
Example: There's that cute, nice, attractive guy in my role-playing group who's been flirting with me (very obviously, too, or else I wouldn't notice.) In fact, when I first met him, I thought that he'd be the kind of guy I wouldn't say no to. Turns out, he is. I wouldn't say no to fooling around, but a serious relationship - no thanks.
However, I've never really come out to anyone except my ex-boyfriend, who's bi himself, although if anyone ever bothered to ask, I'd have no problem saying I'm bi. But then, nobody ever asks this.
Now my best friend, I always thought was pretty firmly straight. In fact, I didn't tell *her* not only because I had/have a crush on her, but because I thought she'd be weirded out. And that thing with the crush has been going on for years and years and I love her, but I was never really sure how much of the sexual attraction was actually there or merely imagined because of the closeness.
In any case, I had come to the decision that I'd never tell her, unless our friendship ever ended, because I valued the friendship far more than the possibility of anything more.
And now she tells me she's going to a gay club and asks me to tag along! Now, it could be that she's straight and just likes gay people or gay clubs or whatever. It could be that she's gay or bi or curious, but not actually interested in me. It could be that she's got an inkling about me and hopes I'll finally come out. It could be she's been attracted to me all this time.
If it's the latter, I'm going to... dunno. Smash my head into a hard surface. Years of pining!
Life, when am I ever going to figure you out?
I've got a female friend, my best friend, in fact, whom I haven't seen in a long time because she's been abroad. Now she's going to return and apparently she's changed quite a bit. Also, she's invited me to come with her to a party in a gay club. We're both, as far as I know, single.
Also, I have had a crush on her for years and never dared tell her because I have zero idea how she'd react. *headdesk*
I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but I guess you can't truly know until you've had sex with both genders. Anyways, I'm attracted to and I've had crushes on both boys and girls, however, I have issues with intimacy. It's not the physical contact, but the constant emotional closeness of an actual relationship that bothers me. It's like... I'd have to invest more of myself into a relationship than I really want to. I need space.
Example: There's that cute, nice, attractive guy in my role-playing group who's been flirting with me (very obviously, too, or else I wouldn't notice.) In fact, when I first met him, I thought that he'd be the kind of guy I wouldn't say no to. Turns out, he is. I wouldn't say no to fooling around, but a serious relationship - no thanks.
However, I've never really come out to anyone except my ex-boyfriend, who's bi himself, although if anyone ever bothered to ask, I'd have no problem saying I'm bi. But then, nobody ever asks this.
Now my best friend, I always thought was pretty firmly straight. In fact, I didn't tell *her* not only because I had/have a crush on her, but because I thought she'd be weirded out. And that thing with the crush has been going on for years and years and I love her, but I was never really sure how much of the sexual attraction was actually there or merely imagined because of the closeness.
In any case, I had come to the decision that I'd never tell her, unless our friendship ever ended, because I valued the friendship far more than the possibility of anything more.
And now she tells me she's going to a gay club and asks me to tag along! Now, it could be that she's straight and just likes gay people or gay clubs or whatever. It could be that she's gay or bi or curious, but not actually interested in me. It could be that she's got an inkling about me and hopes I'll finally come out. It could be she's been attracted to me all this time.
If it's the latter, I'm going to... dunno. Smash my head into a hard surface. Years of pining!
Life, when am I ever going to figure you out?
