There is no cure for stupid.
Feb. 11th, 2008 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bagheera_sanIt's February 11 and the same drama as every year is going on. Tomorrow I'm going to be a year older, which to me hasn't been a reason to celebrate since I was... ten? Seriously, I hate my own birthdays. For one thing, I'm still sort of disappointed with this whole mortality business. Secondly, I hate that feeling of, "well... another year gone by... and look how much you didn't accomplish again." But the real, underlying drama is parties. (Society is making me have fun. That never works.)
When I was a kid, I had kid birthday parties. The last was my 11th or 12th birthday, and I had just hit puberty, and for the first time I was sort of ashamed of my home, which compared to those of my friends was small and untidy. You know that particular piece of drama: "omg, my family sucks." The problem went away because for the next couple of years I either had only one friend, or the friends I had didn't have "better" homes. On my 16th birthday I went out for the first time, and looking back on it, it was a very strange party indeed: actually it was more of a date (srsly. Sharing a table at a café/restaurant), except with my best friend, and well, I did kind of have a crush on her. At 18, I had finally managed to make other friends, and we hit town, and afterwards my future boyfriend got me really drunk, so that party was sort of a sucess. Happy End, eh? But I don't learn social lessons well. Instead of planning a party of any kind this year (and last year, too), I neglected the whole business until today, and promptly woke up really depressed: "Nooooo, I'm a social loser! I wanted to have a party at home this year and I was too lazy to organize one!" (Even a lame party would be better than none. I wish I was smart enough to learn that lesson.)
Well, I managed to motivate a couple of people to go out tomorrow night, so at least I won't be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. But I still wish I hadn't been so damn lazy. And I'm starting to think that maybe I should make A BIT of an effort to make friends at uni. Everyone I invited is either someone I know from school or part of the RPG meet-up. The problem is, the people from uni I know well enough to invite 1) won't get along with many of my other friends and 2)aren't actually people *I* get along with all that well - it's all politeness and very little common interests.
*stares at post* Man. I make no progress in life at all. This is exactly the same pointless angst I had five years ago.
When I was a kid, I had kid birthday parties. The last was my 11th or 12th birthday, and I had just hit puberty, and for the first time I was sort of ashamed of my home, which compared to those of my friends was small and untidy. You know that particular piece of drama: "omg, my family sucks." The problem went away because for the next couple of years I either had only one friend, or the friends I had didn't have "better" homes. On my 16th birthday I went out for the first time, and looking back on it, it was a very strange party indeed: actually it was more of a date (srsly. Sharing a table at a café/restaurant), except with my best friend, and well, I did kind of have a crush on her. At 18, I had finally managed to make other friends, and we hit town, and afterwards my future boyfriend got me really drunk, so that party was sort of a sucess. Happy End, eh? But I don't learn social lessons well. Instead of planning a party of any kind this year (and last year, too), I neglected the whole business until today, and promptly woke up really depressed: "Nooooo, I'm a social loser! I wanted to have a party at home this year and I was too lazy to organize one!" (Even a lame party would be better than none. I wish I was smart enough to learn that lesson.)
Well, I managed to motivate a couple of people to go out tomorrow night, so at least I won't be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. But I still wish I hadn't been so damn lazy. And I'm starting to think that maybe I should make A BIT of an effort to make friends at uni. Everyone I invited is either someone I know from school or part of the RPG meet-up. The problem is, the people from uni I know well enough to invite 1) won't get along with many of my other friends and 2)aren't actually people *I* get along with all that well - it's all politeness and very little common interests.
*stares at post* Man. I make no progress in life at all. This is exactly the same pointless angst I had five years ago.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-11 11:44 pm (UTC)*hugs* I know how you feel -- pretty much my own situation (except that as my birthday's on Christmas, I feel guilty for asking anyone to take time out of thier holiday, which compounds the problem). Congratulations on being courageous enough to try again anyway. Have fun tonight!
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 10:09 am (UTC)It's your 'birth' day, get it?
Date: 2008-02-12 12:35 am (UTC)The only people who shouldn't celebrate it are the ones who think that they'd be better off dead!
Think about it...
Re: It's your 'birth' day, get it?
Date: 2008-02-12 10:11 am (UTC)I still prefer to celebrate and be happy when I feel like it and not when some custom says I should and everyone expects me to.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 08:47 am (UTC)my only birthday that i can remember celebrating at my home was when i was 5? 6?.
well , then my birthday wishes for you will be, that its going to be easier for you each year, to ignore any celebrating urges, just to conform to society :)
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 10:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 02:37 pm (UTC)I say you declare your birthday will be in a month from now or so, organize a party, invite everyone you like and throw enough alcohol at them that common interests won´t be an issue.
You just invite them, love, and they go to see you. How they fare with one another is their problem.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-12 09:26 pm (UTC)I used to deliberately plan my own birthday parties every year, too, just so I wouldn't be depressed, though these days I'm more likely just to go out to dinner with someone.