General useless angst
Nov. 13th, 2007 11:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bagheera_sanOne of my most persistent sources of angst is general anxiety about my employment future. I feel like venting a little tonight. LJ is a bit like therapy - I have a hard time talking about negative stuff to my family and real life friends, but here I feel more secure.
Now, I'm the (German equivalent of) a English Lit major. English/German to be precise. I'm aiming towards a PhD in E Lit. I'm also doing a Master of Education equivalent, which will enable me to teach English and German at highschool level.
But I'm pretty certain that I don't want to teach at highschool level, and besides, thanks to population developments, my chances of getting a job with the English/German combination are shrinking rapidly. Germany isn't exactly investing a lot of money into education. *bitter*
A lot of this angst is tied to the job I've been doing for two months now, at the private tutoring school. A lot of my students are nice kids, and I enjoy teaching them. It's an engaging and challenging job *when things are going well*. But I have huge problems with those teenager that aren't easy to handle, because I suck at being an authority. My parents raised me strictly anti-authoritarian, which resulted in a general lack of discipline, work ethics and manners, and apparently a complete failure to be an authority to others. I'm also not dealing very well with the constant criticism you're subject to as a teacher. It's not the kind of job you can easily leave behind when you go home.
Aside from that, I don't think that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life - simply because I think I'd feel like a permanent underachiever. What I really want, what would make me feel like I've gotten where I always wanted to be, is a job in academics.
I've got good grades, at least so far (mostly straight As with two Bs), and I'm one credit away from the equivalent of a Bachelor's degree in English. I love studying English, and German, which I've started this semester, is pretty okay (perversely, I'm enjoying Middle High German the most so far - yay to translating crazy texts from the middle ages!). My absolute dream job is to work at a place like our English Department.
My financial ambitions are extremely low. Basically, I want to earn enough to be able to afford a flat, a computer, insurance and all the basic stuff like food and clothes.
My great fear is simply that I'm going to botch up my education and career the way my parents both did. I mean, I already quit Biology, which means I gave up on hard science entirely (yes, I have complexes about the soft sciences. For example I keep asking myself: what will you do with your English Master when the apocalypse/climate change/whatever comes around?) On the other hand, when I look around me at the university, I see lots and lots of people with worse grades or equally useless degree ambitions (Philosophy, for example.)
Well. This is my dose of useless angst for today.
On a lighter note, I'm now a certified Star Trek watcher! I got an A in my Cultural Studies essays :D
Now, I'm the (German equivalent of) a English Lit major. English/German to be precise. I'm aiming towards a PhD in E Lit. I'm also doing a Master of Education equivalent, which will enable me to teach English and German at highschool level.
But I'm pretty certain that I don't want to teach at highschool level, and besides, thanks to population developments, my chances of getting a job with the English/German combination are shrinking rapidly. Germany isn't exactly investing a lot of money into education. *bitter*
A lot of this angst is tied to the job I've been doing for two months now, at the private tutoring school. A lot of my students are nice kids, and I enjoy teaching them. It's an engaging and challenging job *when things are going well*. But I have huge problems with those teenager that aren't easy to handle, because I suck at being an authority. My parents raised me strictly anti-authoritarian, which resulted in a general lack of discipline, work ethics and manners, and apparently a complete failure to be an authority to others. I'm also not dealing very well with the constant criticism you're subject to as a teacher. It's not the kind of job you can easily leave behind when you go home.
Aside from that, I don't think that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life - simply because I think I'd feel like a permanent underachiever. What I really want, what would make me feel like I've gotten where I always wanted to be, is a job in academics.
I've got good grades, at least so far (mostly straight As with two Bs), and I'm one credit away from the equivalent of a Bachelor's degree in English. I love studying English, and German, which I've started this semester, is pretty okay (perversely, I'm enjoying Middle High German the most so far - yay to translating crazy texts from the middle ages!). My absolute dream job is to work at a place like our English Department.
My financial ambitions are extremely low. Basically, I want to earn enough to be able to afford a flat, a computer, insurance and all the basic stuff like food and clothes.
My great fear is simply that I'm going to botch up my education and career the way my parents both did. I mean, I already quit Biology, which means I gave up on hard science entirely (yes, I have complexes about the soft sciences. For example I keep asking myself: what will you do with your English Master when the apocalypse/climate change/whatever comes around?) On the other hand, when I look around me at the university, I see lots and lots of people with worse grades or equally useless degree ambitions (Philosophy, for example.)
Well. This is my dose of useless angst for today.
On a lighter note, I'm now a certified Star Trek watcher! I got an A in my Cultural Studies essays :D
