Mar. 23rd, 2012

bagheera_san: (sun)
For weeks now I've had this feelings that my life is suddenly crammed with... I don't quite know how to phrase it, but social stuff - friends, emotional decisions, social life in general, all the "real life" stuff I used to not have that much of. Fandom has always been a bit of a compensation for this lack (even though it was in some ways a lack I chose by not being a very outgoing/social person) but in some ways now it feels like all this real life is intruding on my creative/academic pursuits.

This week I (and I know I'm going to regret this one way or another) agreed to go on another holiday with my gran because she's sad and not growing younger and has lost two children in two years, and a holiday in Uzbekistan sounded tempting but now I think WHAT WERE YOU THINKING because Uzbekistan with my 80 year old grandmother? It sounds like a recipe for disaster (or a quirky roadmovie, but I DOUBT IT.)

I also told the friend who fell in love with me that I don't return his feelings and don't want to go out with him, and he told me he's never had a girlfriend and has never fallen this hard in love with anyone and is deep in depression and although this sounds a lot like emotional blackmail I don't think it's intended as such - I just tend to attract sad people like cake attracts fat kids. I'm glad though that I said no to him because we'd also be a recipe for disaster.

I met E., my Durham friend at the English department and we said we'd meet for coffee the next day and she didn't show up and didn't give any kind of a lifesign - best case, she forgot, worst case I've been dissed, but truth be told? With everything else I hardly care.

My mother has been told her spine isn't going to last with her current job (geriatric nurse) and she needs to take pain medication on top of her psych meds, so she's looking for a new job AGAIN and I just feel sad and angry when I think about how some jobs just use people up and still there are bastards out there who say that people who don't take any job they're offered are lazy and whatnot.

On the up side, Thomas, the oldest member of my RP group, who has been chronically unemployed for many years finally has a job again that's quite good (good things happening to him always cheer me up because his life is like my worst case scenario), and the pair of friends who broke up are doing better now (not back together, just better) and the weather has been fine - so fine that possibly I have a bit of sunburn/sun allergy, and a sore throat from cycling without a jacket or scarf for the last couple of days.
bagheera_san: (sun)
For weeks now I've had this feelings that my life is suddenly crammed with... I don't quite know how to phrase it, but social stuff - friends, emotional decisions, social life in general, all the "real life" stuff I used to not have that much of. Fandom has always been a bit of a compensation for this lack (even though it was in some ways a lack I chose by not being a very outgoing/social person) but in some ways now it feels like all this real life is intruding on my creative/academic pursuits.

This week I (and I know I'm going to regret this one way or another) agreed to go on another holiday with my gran because she's sad and not growing younger and has lost two children in two years, and a holiday in Uzbekistan sounded tempting but now I think WHAT WERE YOU THINKING because Uzbekistan with my 80 year old grandmother? It sounds like a recipe for disaster (or a quirky roadmovie, but I DOUBT IT.)

I also told the friend who fell in love with me that I don't return his feelings and don't want to go out with him, and he told me he's never had a girlfriend and has never fallen this hard in love with anyone and is deep in depression and although this sounds a lot like emotional blackmail I don't think it's intended as such - I just tend to attract sad people like cake attracts fat kids. I'm glad though that I said no to him because we'd also be a recipe for disaster.

I met E., my Durham friend at the English department and we said we'd meet for coffee the next day and she didn't show up and didn't give any kind of a lifesign - best case, she forgot, worst case I've been dissed, but truth be told? With everything else I hardly care.

My mother has been told her spine isn't going to last with her current job (geriatric nurse) and she needs to take pain medication on top of her psych meds, so she's looking for a new job AGAIN and I just feel sad and angry when I think about how some jobs just use people up and still there are bastards out there who say that people who don't take any job they're offered are lazy and whatnot.

On the up side, Thomas, the oldest member of my RP group, who has been chronically unemployed for many years finally has a job again that's quite good (good things happening to him always cheer me up because his life is like my worst case scenario), and the pair of friends who broke up are doing better now (not back together, just better) and the weather has been fine - so fine that possibly I have a bit of sunburn/sun allergy, and a sore throat from cycling without a jacket or scarf for the last couple of days.

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bagheera_san

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